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Parenting Solutions through Separation/ Divorce

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Another year has come and gone.   New year, for new changes. Like many of us, as the year ends we will reflect on the past with all the good, the bad to make resolutions for future change.

Many parents, both mothers and fathers, are reflecting on the past year as one of separation and divorce.  There are some common questions and scenarios with solutions for those in this situation.

Each year many relationships end in separation and divorce. “Out of about 59,000 total civil cases decided in all of Canada in 2011, over 53,000 were divorce cases”. Many parents in 2014 found themselves separated. If you were part of this category you may have experienced scenarios, which forced you to make some significant adjustments for you and your children. These adjustments often cause sudden financial and emotional struggles coupled with scenarios which can also cause emotional changes in your children behaviors. At times these situations can be described as never-ending.   Despite the issues faced in 2014 there have no doubt been some positives. You sought and found services and support for you and your children. You made sure your children were not exposed to the conflict. And you were determined to make it work, and it did.

It is a new year, 2015 is a time to make changes with new resolutions along with a commitment to continue to parent your children. In making the positive changes it is important to remember that children of divorce and separation cope better when there is a consistent routine and are allowed to be children while not exposed to parental conflict or guilt. It is also necessary as you make these changes to always remind your children that they are loved by both parents despite the decision to separate or divorce.

If you became a non–custodial parent in 2014, you like others will face situation that will feel like a no win situation. You will battle with feelings of hopelessness and loss of the relationship with your children. You will experience many common scenarios with many areas of conflict in regards to the children’s needs as you try to co- parent. You will also be faced with much criticism, accusations and more from those around you. There will be circumstances where you will need to negotiate with the other parent for access to your children. Those challenges and stressors faced in 2014 were actually opportunities to practice spending positive time with your children while helping them to adapt to the changes and understand they are loved by both parents.

As you make changes for 2015, it is important to remember to seek support and services from organizations and agencies such as Side By Side Services. No matter if you are the non-custodial parent, the primary parent or the newly divorced or separated parent, the scenarios are similar with solutions. As you move into 2015 be the change you want for yourself and your children. Continue to work towards building a healthy relationship with your children and find support and services to help meet these needs. In separation and divorce everyone is affected.

Parents who seek support and services for themselves and their children are more stable and adjust better than those who don’t. Continue to be consistent with what works well, listen to your children, be open to change and don’t stress the small stuff, (its ok if the children have junk food sometimes). Seek services such as SideBySideServices.ca or 416-518-1569 for support.